Where on my website does it say ” If you are wierd, different, a complainypant, pennyless, unwashed, rude, your nose up your ass couple looking to buy or sell a house in London Ontario, call me?
Is in a code someplace? Subliminal? The page colours, text, time of day or is that some partake in amber liquids, inhale funny stuff, are short a brick or shallower than a kiddy pool?
I have changed the dates ( if implied), the gender ( if I could tell) and perhaps the neighbourhood.
I get an email from a man who said he had read all my reports, pages and blogs and wanted to meet me to help him buy a house for him and his mother. Great , I set up an appointment and in the mean time as requested, he sent me his criteria, price range and other pertinent information.
I meet him at my office, seems normal enough, but the more and more he talks and discloses, some things pop up such as his past neighbours were idiots and jerks, no need to get a mortgage, he can pay cash for a $350,000 house.
Me: “You mean a cheque?”
Him ” No, cash”
Me ” The money does not go to me, it would go to your lawyer who in turn would transfer the fund to the seller’s lawyer upon closing.”
Him ” I don’t trust lawyers”
Me “Why do you say that?”
Him: A ten minute rant, blah,blah,blah stuff .
Me: “Well, I cannot help you, you are going to have to use a lawyer.” (Red flags are waving in front of my face, in my subconscious, slapping me across the side of the head.)
Him: “Ok, will you help me with the names of a good lawyer?” ( Aha, here is my chance to refer him to some lawyers in London just to spite them. But, being a Christian, a professional, kind and sometimes stupid and naive man, I say)
So, I research the properties available that meet his criteria and we narrow them down to 2 pretty nice looking houses in good neighbourhoods of London. I review with him the past history of the house, the price comparables, taxes and other real pertinent details that a home buyer should know.
We book a time for the next day to go see the two houses. That evening, I get an email from him asking if I could help find a private investigator. You see, it turns out that dog barking causes stress for his mother and he wants me to ensure that there are no barking dogs within 1 block from the house and to put a clause in any offer that the seller guarantees there are no dogs nearby!
As I have already told him that is a very unusual request and I could not and would not canvass the block for barking dogs, hence, he would hire an investigator for a week to make sure there were no dogs!
Now, those red flags are jabbing me in my stomach, actually snapping because of the blunt blows to my head and I wake up and say: “Sorry, I cannot help you and I wish you the best”.
He says: ” Could you refer me to someone else?” ( Wow, another chance to get even and give back to a few peers, but no, being a former beaver cub, sea scout and an all around good guy, I said that I could not think of anybody off the top of my head.)
End of the story, right? No way, there is more.